You don't have asthma, your pregnant
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
