That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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