A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
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