I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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