i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
