I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
