So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
