New invention idea: vibrating tampons
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
