Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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