If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
