I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
