i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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