I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
