i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
