pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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