The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
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