one word: firstdatebathroomanal
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Acid is not a monday night drug
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
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