That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
