I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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