My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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