he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
