hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
