You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
