bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
