Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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