Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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