I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
