I only kidnapped one of them. chill
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize