I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
