my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
FUCK WHALES
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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