I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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