a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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