I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
