God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
