At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
what day is it and did you see me today?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
