The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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