They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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