hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
