i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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