I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
