I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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