Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
