I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
