his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
