I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
