I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
