I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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