i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
