we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
