im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize