you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
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I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
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I think weed is turning my hair brown
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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