Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
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