Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize