We won't sleep together?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
