dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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