Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bring money and cleavage
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The uberlube is also flammable
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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