just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
