There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm sobbing to NWA
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
