I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
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Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
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About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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