Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
