Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
