So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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