dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
