If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
