I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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